Introduction

What I Do 

1. Mechanical editing, which covers grammar, spelling, punctuation, capitalization and so forth 

2. Substantive editing, which addresses content, organization, effectiveness, style, unity, appropriateness to audience, and the like 

3. Developmental editing, which guides the author through the planning and writing of a manuscript 

4. Seminars on grammar, composition, technical writing, business writing, and fiction 

I accept fiction, nonfiction, articles, and technical, academic, and commercial documents. 

What I Don't Do 

1. Documents on a level of technicality that requires an editor from the field 

2. Manuscripts I consider hateful, libelous, or pornographic   

Introduction 

It doesn’t get any better than summer in Alaska. Wish we had more of it. 

This issue of Word for Word is being written at 11 p.m. in broad daylight, and may therefore be a little—well, light.

 Questions

Passed, however, is the past tense of the verb to pass, and also serves as its past participle. (They passed each other in the street. They had passed many villages.)

 Grammar Gripes and Style Stumblers

Word order is a significant factor in the English language.  Although this issue briefly came up in a previous newsletter, it may bear more discussion. 

Without getting too technical—hold me to it, please—languages can be synthetic or analytical, and somewhere in between. Where this affects us, as writers of English, is in our use of word order. 

A synthetic language uses inflection, or changing word endings, to indicate meaning, and analytical languages depend on word order and extra words to achieve the same end. For example, for the English I speak, I will speak, I would have spoken, Spanish would have (yo) hablo, and (yo) hablaré, (yo) hablaría, and I could leave out the pronoun altogether because the verb usually makes it clear who speaks. English needs the extra words because the verb does not tell us who and when, and we can absolutely not do without the pronoun. Verbs in synthetic languages can express all kinds of meanings, such as person (I, you, he/she/it, we, you [pl], they), number (I, we, he, they, singular and plural you), tense (present, past, future, etc.), mood (declarative, subjunctive etc.), just by changing their endings. Therefore, in a synthetic language, word order is a free-for-all, because word endings tell the reader, or listener, who did what to whom or to what. 

In English, word order—in addition to all the extra little words that clue us in to person, tense, mood, and so forth—tells us these things. Nouns, articles, adjectives, do not change form either, as they do in a synthetic language according to their function in the sentence. Whether the cat meows or the dog killed the cat, in English the words the and cat stay the same. To make clear who killed whom, we need the subject, or the one performing the act, to come first, then the verb, and then the direct object (if any)—in the latter case the victim. In most synthetic languages you can turn the sentence around, cat in front, dog in front, or the other way around, without causing confusion. 

Since meaning and its nuances are defined by word order, we can play around with a sentence and see the effect of changing it. Bear in mind that the weight of a sentence rests on the last word—that’s the concept the reader takes to the next sentence, paragraph, chapter, and so forth. It may determine if your reader continues to read. The secondary position of significance is taken by the first word, simply by virtue of being the first thought that reaches the reader. The fluff, if any, is in the middle. I call it the EOS (end-of-sentence) rule. 

Consider a simple sentence, and see how its meaning is affected by a change in word order. 

                We are traveling to Denver by train tomorrow. (not today)

                We are traveling to Denver tomorrow by train. (not by plane)

                We are traveling by train tomorrow to Denver. (not to Phoenix) 

We are overnighting the merchandise to you. (This is a fairly neutral, businesslike, low-impact piece of information.)

We sent the merchandise to you by overnight mail. (The emphasis is on the extra service as well as an alert to the timing.) 

Neither is right or wrong. It’s a matter of effect, and of a sometimes subtle change in emphasis. Are you mainly focused on the timing of the trip, the means of transportation, or the destination? Whichever is the main message, put it at the end. If you want the reader to come away with a particular thought, experiment a little with word order. Doing so has three distinct advantages: You put the emphasis where you want it; the resulting variety in sentence structure gives rhythm and life to your writing; and finally, changing word order helps eliminate words you don’t need, alleviating wordiness. 

Toward the end of the century, tensions between nations escalated. (Escalation is the point.)

Tensions between nations escalated toward the end of the century. (Timing is emphasized.)

The key factors in weight loss are thought to be diet and exercise.

In weight loss, diet and exercise are thought to be the key factors. 

If your article is about diet and exercise, put these terms in a position of prominence. If you have been discussing a variety of other factors, and this is your conclusion, their relative importance (they are key factors) deserve the end position.

 Terrible Twos

Comprise and compose: Regardless of how many times these two are confused, they retain discrete meanings. To comprise = to contain; to compose = to make up, to constitute.

This volume comprises many chapters.

This volume is composed of many chapters. Or: Many chapters compose this volume. 

If you are unsure about which of these two to pick, ask yourself if you could use the word contain in its place. If the answer is yes, use comprise. If not, it is compose (sometimes in the passive form: to be composed of). Nothing is ever comprised of anything.

 Media Turkeys

A commentator mentioned that an athlete’s effort was “sufficient enough.” This is overkill similar to completely perfect. 

The advertising industry is always good for a few zingers.

Both men and women alike . . . It’s “both men and women,” or “men and women alike.”

They share together, both share these characteristics. Share already contains the idea of both and together. Don’t overqualify such words. Advertisements are rife with free gifts and unexpected surprises. Please do not add more nonsense. 

And from a Medicare assistance commercial: “See if your eligible . . . 

It pays to read what you write. And before you send or publish it, read it again.

 Everybody Does It

The increasing use of whenever for when can be confusing as well as just a tiny bit annoying. Whenever means: every time that. Whenever she appears on court, her fans go wild. They go berserk every time they see her. Unless that’s what you are going for, use when (= at the time that). When he left the house, the rains began. Just that one time. Using whenever here would mean that he could never, ever, ever leave the house without getting wet.